The Big Pink by Erwan Atcheson

Author:Erwan Atcheson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: poetry, epic, student, surreal, belfast, beat

CAPTAIN SPACEFACE

There was nothing on TV – except, of course, Captain Spaceface, commander of the USS Enterprise. He’d already killed half of the race of Gellows and was engaged in wiping out the other half, the sadistic bastard.

Barry of course was leering all over tight-clothed, large breasted, low-cut-topped sex machine Lieutenant Commander Troy. Obscene slanders fell from his lips each time the lustworthy telepath appeared on screen. Emmett paid Barry no attention. He was in one of his less alert, more introspective, more bitter and displeased and taciturn frames of mind. He didn’t even like this Captain Spaceface. It was too long, and everyone knew that they’d solve the problem in the end especially since it was just a rerun. He couldn’t quite remember how it ended but it was crap. He hated it; dark hatred came out of his eyes and beamed into the TV. His eyes weren’t quite focused on the centre of the screen. There was a dark cloud in the room.

The house was clean. The house was clean now.

That wasn’t the reason he was in a dark frame of mind. That was for some other reason, a reason he didn’t understand, to do with the cycles, the ups and downs of existence, anomalies and mental phenomena that were beyond him. All he knew was that it was a total piece of shite and that he HATED it. Maybe he hadn’t got enough sleep.

Barry fucking started talking about Troy’s gee and how to increase it and then have sex with Commander Troy in various unusual positions. Emmett became darker and his introspection descended deeper into the deep caverns from which few venture and fewer return. The deep underwater squids. He wanted to catch one and stop its inky blackness upsetting his internal and carefully maintained personal chemistry. Wring its neck.

‘… it is like the finest sauce you put between two baps and then eat it, but of course you need something to put between the two baps …’

This mind-raking statement was enough to wrench Emmett from his introspective reverie. He looked at Barry and clutched his head. Barry laughed at him with half-bashful, half-intoxicated vigour and spite. ‘Ha-ha-ha!’ he laughed.

‘Ugh,’ said Emmett, disgusted by the world. His attention was brought back to the programme, however. Captain Spaceface was examining the ruins of an ancient world he had helped partially annihilate. He was overcome by remorse and suffering. Commander Troy was squinting into the middle-ground.

‘Captain, I feel unhappiness and danger … danger near by … feel …’ she was saying, between gritted sexy teeth.

‘Feel my big bone sandwich you delicious fucking sexual whorebag mothering fucking mother’s daughter yee-ess!’ sang Barry in response. Emmett slapped himself in the face. He wanted a cheese-grater to grate out his ears.

‘No, Barry, stop …’ he moaned, writhing. To distract himself he listened to Captain Spaceface.

‘Who knows what great things lie out there, in the stars, that we have not yet discovered, what wonderful future might lie ahead for humanity, in our continuing mission.

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